Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
