i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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