9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
