"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is Oprah even human
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
