Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
