in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
