We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
