wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
