wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
