Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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