The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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