I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
