there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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