i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
