Your tits are I can't wait for
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize