we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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