At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
