..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
