Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!