listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.