if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My sheets look like a crime scene.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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Did we literally take a cab across the street
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug