Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?