Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
