my vag is so smooth its legendary
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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