All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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