clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
