if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
