So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize