i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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