Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we made out on top of his cat.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
