you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
