No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
