i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
