I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
