i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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