You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
