is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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