I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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