he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
