you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
