wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dick very happy bro
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
