Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I want a musical about memes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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