we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
