I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
