She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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