on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
