There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
