We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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