watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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