girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
