Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
