are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize