im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
