Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
