Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
