For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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