i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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