I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
