whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
