i already hear my dad disowning me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dick very happy bro
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
