i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
