Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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