Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
