I accidentally burped into my bong.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
