Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
