I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
