someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
