I'm going to jail i love you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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