u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i dont even know how to be here
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
