i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The ass gains better be worth it
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