I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
