I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
